The day before, Dan and I had our first session with my cousin. This couple challenge wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. After the session Dan drove me home. It was a little awkward in the car since we didn't speak. When we finally reached my apartment, he walked me to my door. He took a deep breath.
Dan: I'm sorry I didn't tell you how I really felt about us moving in together. It's just that you're the longest relationship I ever had. If we ever decide to take the next step, I would want to be 100% sure about it.
Me: I guess that seems fair. I'm sorry that I that I thought you were forceful in your advice. I know you were just trying to help me out.
He showed me his toothy grin. That made me kiss his sweet lips. He began to rub my lower back.
Me: You should stay for a little bit.
The next day, we were back in Jova's office. I kissed Dan before we began.
Jova: I'm so happy you came back! Today, we're going to do something a little different. I'm going to talk to you two individually, mostly about your last relationships. Dan, you're first.
Me: Wait, what?
I didn't know how I felt about this. Alone? His past relationships?
Jova: Beth, I would like you to go outside, please.
So I did, but I did tried to listen against the door. Why was I acting like this? And why didn't I have super hearing?
It was my turn. I started to nervously shake my leg. Jova was on her phone.
Jova: Yeah...she has a 2:30 appointment...I know...she is such a freak.
She finally got off the phone.
Me: So what did you talk about with Dan?
Jova: Nothing much. You're a very lucky girl. He's crazy about you.
I sighed with relief. I guess I didn't have anything to worry about.
Jova: But his ex is still a big part of his life.
Jova: Yeah, she still works with him in some of his assignments. He dated her for five years. You didn't know?
Jova: Oh yeah, he didn't want you to feel threaten or something.
She has to be lying. He told me I was his longest relationship. Six months is nothing compared to five years. And he didn't want me to be threaten? Why would I be threaten? And she's his co-worker too?! Some many things were going through my head that I saw Jova's mouth moving, but heard nothing coming out of her.
Jova: Hello! Are you okay?
I snapped out of it.
Jova: Enough of you guys. Andre called me yesterday. We talked about getting back together. I got over him being engaged with that Swedish supermodel.
Me: Are you sure? That doesn't seem like a good idea.
Jova: Maybe. I'll talk it over with my therapist.
She got up to open the office's door.
Jova: Dan, you can come in now.
Dan took a seat right next to me. Too close to me. I couldn't look at him in the eye. He tried to put his arm around me but I pushed him away.
Dan: What's wrong?
Me: You dated your ex for five years? And you still work with her?
Dan: How do you know that? I didn't date her for five years. I knew her for five years.
Me: You didn't tell me because you thought I would feel threaten? Do I look like an insecure girl to you?
Dan: That's not what I said. You're twisting everything!
Me: These are things you should've told me before we started dating!
All these secrets were making me very heated and emotional. I took my bag and walked out. First, I find out that I didn't know that much about Charlotte and now I find out that I don't know that much about my own boyfriend.
Today is the first time I've seen or spoken to Dan after our last session. After that last session Dan tried to contact me all day. Through texting, calling, and facebook. I wasn't having it. I was too upset to answer him.
Jova: Yesterday was really tense. Somehow, Beth found out about Dan's ex. Now I feel that she should talk about her past boyfriends to even everything out.
Me: Fine, I'll take about my last loves.
That made Dan cringe a little. He looked at me hurt.
Me: My first love was in high school, his name was Erick. We even talked about moving to California when school ended, but I had to let him go when he got football scholarship in another state. My love after that was George.
Jova: Oh, I liked George!
Me: Me too. We had amazing time together.
Okay, I'm lying. I never loved Erick. He left me for a cheerleading whore. George was also a guy who did me wrong. He has to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
Dan: You mean the same guy who controlled almost every part of your life? Why would you ever love someone like him?
Me: At least, he didn't work with his ex and never told me about it. Maybe if you tried to put me as a priority than we wouldn't have this conversation.
Dan: Priority? You are on the top of my priority list. I don't make any decision without thinking about how it would affect you!
Me: Really? Then what was your thought when you decided to keep this secret from me?
Dan: I thought you would feel bad of the fact that I'm working with a girl with a real career!
I gasped. My mouth started to shiver. Tears were starting in my eyes.
I thought he helped me in my writing because he felt I had potential. Not because he felt bad for me. I guess his ex has more talent then I'll ever have. How did we get to this point? The lying, yelling, and trying our best to hurt each other.