Friday, June 21, 2013

Part 4: The Confessions of a Stupid Romantic: White isn't for Innoncence

            Me: What are you doing, Charlotte? And with a stripper?!

            This whole thing seems so unreal. First my best friend becomes a runaway bride, then we find out she has a STD and now she's in a limo with a blonde stripper! A guy who we didn't think she liked.

            Weeks ago, we decided to give her an early bachelorette party, and we also decided to follow tradition and get her a stripper. He dressed up as a cop and danced all over Charlotte. She was so  disgusted, she even pushed him away. She said that she'll never want him on top of her again. I guessed today she changed her mind.

            Dan: How could you do something like this?

            Charlotte: You don't understand! It's not what it looks like!

            Me: Thank get out of the DAMN car and tells us what it looks like!

            She put back on her wedding dress and stepped out of the limo. The dress was wrinkled up and I don't want to know what those stains were. Her mascara was running, lipstick smeared and she reeked of shame.

            Charlotte: I'm so sorry that you have to see me like this. I'm so...sorry!

            That's when she started to cry.  And that's when I realized that she was still my best friend.  I asked Dan for a handkerchief and wiped her tears. She leaned against the limo and told us her secrets.

            Charlotte: I'm such a terrible person. I wasted your time, money and the worst part is...I've been lying to everyone.

            Dan: What do you mean?

            Charlotte: I love Josh and I always wanted to get married but I've been having a hard time dealing with the fact that I'm gonna be someone's wife.

            Me: That's why you ran off with this guy?

            She nodded.

            Dan: I bet you getting Chlamydia from Josh made you more scared, huh?

            Charlotte: Actually...I'm the one who gave it to him.

            I never thought Dan and I's jaws could drop so low. I mean, Charlotte was voted most responsible and clean in high school. I so wont to change my vote.

            Me: From who?

            She pointed to the stripper.

            Charlotte: After my party, I found out he forgot one of his handcuffs, so I wanted to return it before he left. I stopped him and that's when we went at it in his car. I just wanted to make a mistake. Then, I kept making this mistake for weeks. During that time, I've noticed that I been losing money from my purse. Now I realize it might be this guy who've been taking my money. I've been blaming Josh for everything to hide my shame, including the STD.

            The blonde peeked his out of the limo's window.

            Blonde: You have a STD?

            Me: Shut up, a-hole!

            Charlotte: I either got it from him or the priest's son.

            Dan: You know you have to tell Josh everything, right?

            Charlotte: I know...I know.

            When we stepped into the church, everyone was horrified to see their precious bride turn into what a dark alley threw up. Ashley almost fainted when she saw what became of her designer gown. We reunited Charlotte with Josh and she bared her soul. I can tell you that he was NOT happy. He screamed at her, called her things that I will never repeat and promised her that he'll take his new secretary on their honeymoon. Charlotte was devastated, but what do you expect?


            Since the guests didn't get to see a beautiful wedding, they demanded a reception. That or they were going to sue. Dan and I ate at our assigned table alone.

            Me: I thought I knew everything about Charlotte, but I guessed I didn't.

            Dan: You learn new things about people every day.

            Me: Like she has a thing for exotic dancers in cop uniforms?

            Dan: And that Ashley's dress is a great hiding place for a bride or you know, groomsman.

            I laughed. He took my hand over the table and kissed it.

            Me: Thank you for being here for me, I couldn't do this without you.

            Dan: My pleasure.

            He kissed my lips and reminded me why I was so crazy for him.

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